

She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online and in print. If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to (please don’t send attachments). Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. But you will still have to follow rules, exercise caution and be prepared for unexpected feelings and events. It may be best to seek an established “swingers” community near you, since, within it, you are more likely to find someone who is already comfortable with unorthodox relationships. There needs to be clear, transparent, mutual consent – including by the third person. For example, would it be OK for the third person to be someone in your community, whom you might see in other settings? Would you risk bringing that person into your home, or would it be better to use a different location? Would your wife see the person alone, or would you be present? What boundaries should be set? What are the safety considerations? Human beings are hardwired to feel jealousy although you may think this would not arise, it probably would – how would you address that? Would details be shared?

The first thing for you and your wife to do is to discuss in great detail exactly what that “agreement” would look like.
